we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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