College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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