Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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