apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
