Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
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