I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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