I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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