girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
