I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Randomize
