just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
