one might say we're banned from that church
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize