I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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