you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
