After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
