Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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