either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I enjoy the company of your penis
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
