What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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