sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
