In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize