I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
