she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
We were destined to go to rehab together
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
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