i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
