Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
