I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
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