Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
