i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
