Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
This is classic penis vs brain.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
