I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
