I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Is it penis luge time yet?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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