went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
