How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
