What did we do last night that was yellow?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Randomize
