somebody snuck up and got me drunk
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
