Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
