I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
