You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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