You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
