There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I'm sobbing to NWA
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize