Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
