why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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