forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
