please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
