Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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