cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
