First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
