I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
