Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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