So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
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