im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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