so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
foreskin is a definite game changer
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize
