you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
