I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
