Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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