A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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