there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
