ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Randomize
