kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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