so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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