pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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