Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Randomize
