he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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