The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
