Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
