Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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