you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
