All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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