got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
