I feel like abortions should bother me more
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
