I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
