Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Randomize
