somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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